Provoking

Long time...no show!!!
i thought my blog was missing me...so i just paid a visit, but then, it really begged n pleaded me to leave footprints for it can remember until i come back again... so, i just thought..."why not"... ! ;)
this is Dhanur masam... and there is no pravachan , neither any sat sang, nor any kind of nama smarana... that this soul is doing.... and the 'deham'... is so uselessly loitering around on this earth!!
i wish, my words, my thoughts, my emotions reach the destined place... and i hope soon, because waiting is a depressing, sorrowful and painful action.
when i stretch my hands i feel Heavens falling over me... but... the feeling disappears quickly because i only feel it not experience it... i hope it happens soon.
the road to the Lord is narrow,long, and full of hurdles... i wish i can pass it n reach the destiny...and i hope soon.
my longing i am afraid will not last long...cause its not that powerful nor that deep neither that great... but i wish it becomes pure and qualified for the Gods to hear me, and i hope soon.
i find myself always stressing on "Discrimination"... one of the first lessons in Bhagavad Gita... i feel its the most difficult. i should admit i can't tell whats good and bad.. whats correct whats wrong... i have been struggling... and i have become a mess now! or have i messed it up....! ??? its always question mark....
i pray... we all reach the abode of the Almighty one day...
Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas

A very very merry Christmas!

just like that...

"He is all pervading, unchanging Supreme Being. Is the purest of the pure. He is there in all hearts of holy men.He inspires sacred words like preists at the altar. He is dear like a guest in the household. And manifests throughout the universal life forces - the seas, the earth and the mountains" - Rig veda 4.40.5

india is rich with so may litreture works.... and vedas top all of them.
once in one of the lecture demonstrations, the guru defined "bharath" as to "brahma vidyam thasyam ramathey ithi bharath "
the treasure is so huge that one life is not in the least sufficient to learn them all, then where is the question of practice!?!
many would preach to practice one and excel in that, which will inturn lead to the same "eternal bliss" ... but if one feels so curious to learn all that is given in upnishads, sutras, vedhas, bhagavad gita... life of an ordinary man is not sufficient.
but.... our scared book "bhagavad gita", says in one of its chapters that bhakthi is the most profound path and the most easiest and the most effective. God loves the soul which surrenders to Him.
but again, kali yugam also preaches that along with bhakthi, there should also be gyana (knowledge)....
for every to soul to enlighten, a guru is a must.. a guru might be any other soul or ones own soul. ones own soul will be easy only through means of bhakthi... where ones own soul becomes the God himself because most commonly the bhaktha would picture himself as the Lover.
radha, the gopikas are the best examples for Bhakthi...
" surrender" -- in Bhagavad gita, there is one verse:
" karpanyo dhoshaha pahatha svabhava, prichyami thvam dhrama samkuta cheteha, yescheye stha nischinta, bruhi shisyaste, shadhimam tvam prapanam."
this verse explains the complete surrender of Arjuna to Sri Krishna... a very beautiful verse which basially begins the gita.
gyana and bhakthi.... together brings a soul to the state of bliss, enlightment....

"Maya Ravan" -- modernized dance-drama by Shobhana

A premier in Bangalore, for the "46th Bengaloru Ganesh Utsav" festival. Yesterday was Shobhana's 'Maya Ravan'... where shobhana takes the role of kaykeyi in the start and then Mayavi ravana.
It was held at APS college grounds and the grounds was filled with people all over.
expressions, music, narration by famous film industry persons, visual effects was a beauty to watch and hear!
It first began with Kaykeyi (Shobhana). 'Mantra' laid by the 'spirit of Ravana' was a self made twist in the epic, where Kaykeyi gets influnced to send Lord Rama in excile for 14 yrs. This 'spirit of ravana' entering mantra inturn into kaykeyi took the audience aback!
during the 'Seetha Swayamvaram'...the very well known "break-the- bow -of -lord shiva" was absent. rather only to lift and to shoot it was portrayed! another drawback i should say in showcasing the great epic "Ramayana".
the designer-costumes, visuals effects and the music (though with a lot of box office hits)... were the highlight.
the well publicized show and the famous actress could have been the reason for the mad rush.
one would have to search for bharatanatyam steps in the ballet. a lot of Odissi and mainly semi-classical dance steps were showcased.A good bold try on the stage in India i should say.
the dramatic dialogues (all in English) was a great asset. few scenes were very emotional and effective like the sringar rasa of ravana towards seetha, conversation between ravana and mandodhari and the description of Ravana himself and his lonliness during the night he was to die.
but, i would have appreciated if words such as "you old donkey" describing ravana by seetha would have not been employed.
the scene where Hanuman chalisa was chanted by the Vanaras was fabulous. a very good thought, were all the vanaras chanted it in their own style and voice.
i could find a lot of twists done to the epic by the writers of the play! Like hanuman had to introduce himself to Rama rather that Rama figuring it out by the Chudamani Hanuman wore. and like the agni pariksha of seetha, forced by lakshamana and not by rama!
the drama would have been well appreciated if movie songs were restrained from usage. songs like "Narumgaye", "Chinnamma chilamma", parineeta's song (i dont quite remember the title now), and few old malayalam and tamil songs were used for bharatanatyam dance was inept.
Mandodhari had a played her role very well and seetha suited to her character aptly.
the final war between rakshasas and vanaras was also very well choreographed.
though, the death of Ravana was not that very dramatic as was expected (though i also guess, this might have been purposefully underplayed )
infact selection of all characters has been regarded well and excellent sychronization.
on the whole, "Maya Ravana" was an effort in bringing classical and semi-classical together making it stand somewhere inbetween!
for review from chennai premier:
http://www.thehindu.com/mp/2007/07/09/stories/2007070950230500.htm
can also see:
http://www.hinduonnet.com/thehindu/mp/2008/07/12/stories/2008071251821200.htm http://www.buzz18.com/interviews/movies/ram-was-blue-ravan-was-gold/78961/0

Naalayira Divya Prabandham...

The Nalayira Divya Prabandha (or Nalayira Divya Prabhandham) is a collection of 4,000 verses (Naalayira in Tamil means 'four thousand') composed before 8th century AD, by the 12 Alvars, and was compiled in its present form by Nathamuni during the 9th – 10th centuries. The work is the beginning of the canonization of the 12 Vaishnava poet saints, and these hymns are still sung extensively even today. The works were lost before they were collected and organized in the form of an anthology by Nathamuni.

The Prabandha sings the praise of Narayana (or Vishnu) and his many forms. The Alvars sung these songs at various sacred shrines. These shrines are known as the Divya Desams.

In South India, especially in Tamil Nadu, the Divya Prabhandha is considered as equal to the Vedas, hence the epithet Dravida Veda.^{[citation needed]} In many temples, Srirangam, for example, the chanting of the Divya Prabhandham forms a major part of the daily service. Prominent among the 4,000 verses are the 1,100+ verses known as the Thiru Vaaymozhi, composed by Nammalvar (Kaaril Maaran Sadagopan) of Thiruk Kurugoor.

Compilation

These once thought of being lost were collected and organized in the form of an anthology by Nathamuni.

Nathamuni was born in Veera Naarayanapuram (Veeranam) or present day Kaattu Mannaar Koil. There is a lot of gap in time between Thirumangai Alvar(the last alvar) and Nathamuni. In this dark period, nobody knew what happened to the 4000 verses.

Legend has it that once Nathamuni heard some people reciting the decad of 'Aaraavamude' of Nammaazhvaar at Kumbakonam. Captivated by these paasurams,he wanted to know more about them. One of the verses also mentioned 'aayiraththul ippaththu' (Tamil: these 10 out of the 1000). When Nathamuni enquired about the remaining 990, the people who sang the 10 did not know anything about the other verses. But as the song mentioned the name and place of the alvar (kurugoor satakopan), Nathamuni proceeded to Thirukurugoor and asked the people there about Swami Nammazhwar's 1000 verses.

The people did not know the 1000 that Nathamuni wanted, but they told him about 11 pasurams of Madhurakavi Alvar, who was the disciple of Nammaazhvaar (Kanninun Siruthaambu. They asked him to go to Thiruppuliaazhwar, the place were Nammaazhvaar lived, and recite these 11 pasurams for 12000 times. Nathamuni did as advised, and pleased with his penance, Nammaazhvaar granted him not only his 1000 pasurams, but the entire 4000 parsurams of all the alvars.

Details of Pasurams

The following table shows the details of the 4000 pasurams.

Sl no	Name of the prabandham	Starting from	Ending with	Number of pasurams		Sung by
1	periazhvar thirumozhi	1	473	473		Periyalvar
2	thiruppavai	474	503	30		Aandaal
3	Nachiar Tirumozhi	504	646	143		Aandaal
4	perumal thirumozhi	647	751	105		Kulasekara Alvar
5	thiruchchanda viruththam	752	871	120		Thirumalisai Alvar
6	thirumalai	872	916	45		Thondaradippodi Alvar
7	thiruppalliyezhuchchi	917	926	10		Thondaradippodi Alvar
8	amalanadhi piran	927	936	10		Thiruppaan Alvar
9	kanni nun siruththambu	937	947	11		Madhurakavi Alvar
10	peria thirumozhi	948	2031	1084		Thirumangai Alvar
11	kurun thandagam	2032	2051	20		Thirumangai Alvar
12	nedum thandagam	2052	2081	30		Thirumangai Alvar
13	mudhal thiruvandhadhi	2082	2181	100		Poigai Alvar
14	irandam thiruvandhadhi	2182	2281	100		Bhoothathalvar
15	moonram thiruvandhadhi	2282	2381	100		Peyalvar
16	naanmugan thiruvandhadhi	2382	2477	96		Thirumalisai Alvar
17	thiruviruththam	2478	2577	100		Nammalvar
18	thiruvasiriyam	2578	2584	7		Nammalvar
19	peria thiruvandhadhi	2585	2671	87		Nammalvar
20	thiruvezhukkurrirukkai	2672	2672	1		Thirumangai Alvar
21	siriya thirumadal	2673	2712	40		Thirumangai Alvar
22	peria thiru madal	2713	2790	78		Thirumangai Alvar
23	thiruvay mozhi	2791	3892	1102		Nammalvar
24	ramanusa noorandhadhi	3893	4000	108		Thiruvarangathamudhanar
	total number of pasurams			4000
			for further links : http://www.srivaishnavam.com/prabandham.htm http://www.munitrayam.org/andavanashram/gurupara.htm

elated hearts....

i never knew what was the zenith of elation.... at least i never knew that utmost elation would make the heart very heavy... heaviness not because of the happiness, but rather with a grief of the heart longing for more...and more...
contentment -- this word doesn't ring any bell in the mind...
all the trained discipline, control of emotions, everything just disappears...
its just plain... i want more!
like the three little words which brought Tom Sawyer misery to his life... hope this doesn't bring grief to mine!
but... i want more...

Words...

Words can motivate,
Words can kill,
Words can bring a smile,
Words can make you love,
Words can bring wars,
Words can bring peace,
Words can enlighten a soul.

I do not cognize a thing until
I don’t form a word for it.

I can’t comprehend why
I write, now, on words.

If he controls the sense organs,
He has controlled himself.
If he controls his mouth,
He has controlled the whole world.
I know not of control. Any control.
I lost discipline…
I lost all…

I can’t comprehend why
I write, now, on words.

I do not maketh the soul,
Which seeks preachers.

Giving in the senses’ pleasure.
Sense’s power, pride, preference
I started losing each of it.
Hands, legs, eyes and finally mouth.
Abandoning the controls did I lose
Trust… from people, never lost before.
Words have done a wonder on me.

I can’t comprehend much why
I write, now, on words.

Preachers were past to me
Deaf hears are only here.

Words can bring trust
Words can bring faith
Words can bring a soul
A soul to bring meaning to life.
And more meaning to death.
Because death becomes life.
Paradoxical life, don’t we lead!

I can comprehend why
I write, now, on words.

Here I am…leading to nowhere
Gone past the spaces to kill.

Murders, communion…
What difference does it make
To a soul which has lost value of senses.
Because I lost words… I lost preachers…
I lost discipline… I lost discrimination…
I lost whole value system…
I lost a birth…

Kill, my lord, the unruly mind
Guide me to the feet of yours.

happiness thru unhappiness

How happy things affects the world at large! How happy things make it unhappy…. How much do one has to put up with happiness…
I dint know Man can be such a creature. A creature known only to destroy… only to discover what he could destroy… and happiness is one thing he wants to destroy… don’t ask me, "why the heck would Man want to destroy happiness? When all hes been doing for ages is attain that happiness?" …. Well my answer would be "that he imagined to be happiness." Those of you who understood good for you. Full stop.
I happen to realize very recently that man actually doesn’t need happiness, its more psychological … he wanted to be happy, unfortunately he is not, so he says I am better being unhappy. That is one point of view, which a dunce might choose, a little better headed might go for … "the sympathy play" – "look how sad iam! Look how many problems I have on my head. Look how responsible I should behave and how difficult it is be like me. And finally look at me, I am putting up with all this."
Now that’s like a psychological play, the unknown mind would have performed a task like this when you were very young. Now analyse yourself – how many people when kids, had been happy to tie a brightly shown bandage to school????!!! How happy you were when showing friends that you have been hurt? How you displayed it? Look at your little brain then, it had already calculated the bloody world right then. And now you are big enough to cognize this, it has nurtured itself into something more.
Now, you are happy seeing yourself unhappy! Precisely, you are happy you are being observed, you are happy you are pitied, you are happy you are unique because you are being talked about ‘how unhappy you are’. Don’t tell me you don’t. you would be fooling yourself. Just accept as is and, try switching over the plugs… it makes a difference to be happy when you are happy but not talked about!
I know a man at my work place... we are given enough work to spend some 12 hours at office everyday on a particular month!... he is a kind of a person who shows the tension on his face. A tension which tells the other man that, ‘ I have a problem much bigger than that of what you have.’ I used to wonder why was everybody so tensed about everything, bloody hell, they are in this office working hard, and so unhappy with what they are doing and yet proud of it because they have a problem bigger than others. Because they have a responsibility bigger than others. Because they have a seen the reality of life! Well, I put this sentence now because, that’s the trend now. Everybody who is suffering their neck-off have seen the reality of life… more you suffer, the more you seen from life.
And now comes another man, who is totally happy all time. Having equal number of work, equal number responsibility on his head. But he is found happy all the time. What is he talked about? – "he is never working. What does he know about office and home responsibility?" but actually he might be the one who is able. But unfortunately he is happy! I know how people get so frustrated by looking at him. Oh ghosh, the kind of hatred that he faces from others, reason being, he is happy.
And, did you realize that, movies which have a sad ending is always a big hit? That’s called reality they say. You see a miserable movie, they say….thats reality. You see a damn happy-ending movie, damn nicey-nice movie…’oh, what a imaginable world are they in?..no way it can happen in my life, atleast.’
And have you realized one another thing – that people keep asking you of your weakness?!...i don’t want to give examples here… I just hate questions which can bring you down.
So, what is this that makes man so happy with unhappiness? Why does he beat around unhappiness?
Realize that, a happy life, a happy soul, a smiling face has a reality in life too. Realize that, happy minds succeed better (but ofcuz without much recognition in the short run), climb the ladder with a smile…you might see people pullin you down…don’t stop, keep deaf ears and continue to climb with a smile.

i was on vacation, 6 full days... one of the most pleasant days i can cherish my life time... i aint writing all that i had done cuz it wud ages for you read, so iam sparing you ( wont get dat chance very often!!! :P) very well... so i left to chennai directly from Hyderabad... and guess what... i left in such a hurry that the ratio of boarding the train was 1:2.... but thankfully, the train was worse than me!! haha... it delayed by 15 min!


you know i jus realised iam narratings things on my blog!!! no no thats not the purpose... but hey, few exceptions are always allowed in any kind of culture...and especially in Indian culture! :P


so here i go ...


i went to my Bro's frn's home...refreshed and left for the university, finished the formalities and went to my Guru's home, had to meet him regarding the admissions (and glad i met him, it has been a very long time)...was very good!

went to my frn's place... had a very long long chat until 3 45 AM then slept woke up...it was my frn's b'day...had loads n loads of fun!!! it was such a great day... and spent like 2 days just with frns arnd.... beautiful mornings, lovly afternoons and pleasant evenings and chattin nights....well (so many undisclosed.... u dont hav to everything i did.. okay! btw... this is not a narratory blog...:P) kewl... everything went smoothly and a wonderful time i would cherish my lifetime!

came back home .... home sweet home.... thatha, ammamma, amma, nana, raghu mama, hyma pinni... evrybody thr! it was fun.... my thatha being the hero ofcuz... grabs the attention of everybody in watever health condition he is. you shud meet him...he is a walkin encyclopedia... you can talk to him about any topic... his best choice - geagraphy, next comes astrology... philosophy.... income tax....corruption....animals...birds....human ( a lil bad at it...cuz he is a perfectionist and expects evrybody to be so...even me??!!!! how can i be?? hehehe...) anything under the sun and even above it! he can talk about "Sirius" star... he would tell you a world of information about that, about salvation/enlightement... he loves and appreciates music than even the best singer known... i can write a book on him... a blog is jus not enough! but now...he is not keeping well... he is pretty old... but he has (acoording to me) crossed the borders of body control over mind... i dont understand y he is still unwell wen he can fight very well...God has somthing in store ...iam sure! so i spent with him a lot of time...infact i want keep spending time only with him...takin care of him.... i hope iam granted that gracefulness from the Lord to take care of a great soul.

well.... with a very heart i left the place... back to the old dungeaon of office... the Arctic Fridge...where one cannot breath pleasant air...only the chillness of ice....i dont understand y do they keep it so damn cold... iam very confident if i continue here for long i ll jus freeze to die! but ofcuz i shud mention this... ppl here are so warm...may b...by these nice ppl i might jus walk due to their warmthness! :) (A)... (i knw iam such an angel! )

alright... today's post was basiaclly a narration...i will post some nice things from next one....( not as if this is not nice...but its def borin for a person who is reading this unknwn article...) dat too not a very humourous one. now a days who wants borin-sentimental articles....everybody wants to laugh...(bcuz thats the only thing which is in scarce...) and for me thats the only thing a Soul should always search for....In Eternal Bliss...

June 17th

today is my friend's birthday.... she s sangeetha!

happy birthday sangee....!!!

i am actually leaving back home from office... and really i have nothing on my mind to post...except to re-iterate what happened during the day, which i feel is the most boring thing to do...what use is that??? putting in words what already happened...only if it was something eruditing or some pearls of wisdom...but as if somthing of that sort might happen in my life!! :P

alright... you keep smiling... no matter what...

Impact day -- activity thread --happiness behind bars

impacting lives... one act which gives utmost satisfaction!

thats exactly what we tried to do on saturday... it was a program arranged by my office... we had to go to different kind of people and make an impact on them as we supposedly believe that we are eligible for this!

so my friends, sneha, chanchal, hema and me...chose the group which was going to the central jail...cherlapalli, A.P. it was a mixed feeling... i dint quite knw at first if i should pity them or i shud be gettin frustated at the law breakers i was about to meet, interact, smile along with them and make them smile as well..!! do they need it? i dint knw... but i was all ready to go meet them anyway...imagining my so-called nice sober face would impact in being nice to people they hadn't been nice...thinking my eyes would convey that righteous way of life...

we were a group of nearly 100 people from my office to go out there to a central jail where we would find umpteen murderers, theives, law breakers, dowry-asking-brats, bribing culprits...and we had to impact them!

well, so we set off in 3 buses... when we first arrived, we saw at the entrance nearly 25-30 police men guarding with huge guns...i dunno the names of it...thou i guess its AK47. and my eyes caught a couple of healthy , tidy looking men over the window on the first floor... there were wearing white dresses jus like convicts on the TV... amazed that were so happily gazing at us! then came the actual view of a convict...handcuffed, guarded by 4 policemen...and charging to a closed van... the actual imaginable scene of a prison!

the vicinity spread over few miles... i was told it occupied 128 acres...occupants of the area being--- huge green trees, lovly garden, an open air auditorium, agricultural farm, prison cells (barecks and also enclosed prison), 200 police men, 2000 prisoners!!!

we enetered the main entrance... and then from there we had to walk about 20 yards inside only to find a huge open air auditorium... beautiful one i shud say...the walk as well... the gardens well kept, the auditorium well set up...everything maintained and done by the convicts!

we were made to sit there.. the right of the audi was occupied by my company personnel and left, convicts... the ice breaker was one of the personnel who sang a soong... from the prisoners side, there was a convict named jagdish, who put up a good show of mimicry... a very humourous one i shud say. well... very many people put up many different shows... singing, poems, dancing...et all.... there was one exception... one person played flute...and i shud say this, he was awesome at it. he also was unlike a criminal...he was sober, shy, handsome as well! god knows why he ended up in such a place! he also played harmonium. there was a 'gazel' troupe as well... one dolak, harmonium and one singer! and i shud mention this singer to u... he is a scientist! PhD in life science (food processing)... he spoke a better english than any of us! later when i was with one on one with DIG, he mentioned to me that, the scientist killed his wife, cuz she had a relationship with another fellow! "circumstances should not rule us"- was my only thought!... and the best part, i grabbed that sentence from that very fellow who is inside the prison for 8 yrs now, n yet to complete 6 more yrs !

well... i shud also mention to u about the barecks... they r comfortable to liv in... a TV, a pooja shelf, a neat clothes hanger, marble floor and to top it... a carrom board game!

there was a volley ball game for the accused... it was fun cuz many of them were tough competants.

we were all out there...so-called good citizens of India...admist the 'recognized' law breaker...smiling, laughin and having a ball of a time...

accoriding to the IG... the prison is a place where they make the convicts ready to go out and settle back in a peaceful life in the outter world!

i see people who regret of they have done...but .... i am sure they are in a way enjoyin the life there..inside...a pollution free, safe, healthy, friendly environment.

but i believe that this aim to impact these convicts and helping them to smile and learn somthing... during their punishment period is utter senseless... (that might be a harsh word) but my thoughts are.... they hav done a mistake...hurt some soul... should they be given priviledges like learning and earning and enjoying...??? what they are given there is complete comfort... they aren't missing anything but their families whom they hav themselves killed a few, or hurt a few...

if given a chance i would spend a summer there just to enjoy....!!! can u beat that??? thats how it is...!

ofcuz... i shud also mention that... this place is hauted by negative forces... negative thoughts, negative deeds...

but people who r immersed in it would only enjoy the pleasure .... regression is the later part...cuz they r havin what they want in there...! bread, cloth, shelter! .....happiness, these ppl find it anywhere... u knw.... only they dont hav "women and liquor"... which is only good for them...(only they wunt realize its good)...

all in all... i learnt somthing on that day.... "dont allow situations to fall out of your hand. you are your life's control machine."

gratification

thank you! for what ever you have done, for what you have been... for what you are to me!
iam thanking my Lord! i have asked for so many things from him, he has always promised me to give and has kept giving...
i feel i shouldn't really thank Him, cause do you thank your loved ones???
but the gratification exceeds me! i dunno how to explain it! i feel like, bursting a balloon full of beautiful soft flowers and stand right under it...! its a pleasant day out there... and iam sitting here inside this huge concrete building with air stuffed inside in conditioned to a much lower temperature than required which basically makes people shiver to death... i wont be surprised if i die one day over here, shivering like "Jack" in Titanic under Arctic ocean..! :P
alright, am i deviating too much??? well... excuse me... so yeah coming back to square one...did u realise it.... when i said iam thanking... n how i explained it.... i said "I" want to stand under the bursting balloon!!! infact ... now i realise no... i want to make th Lord stand and watch him enjoyin it...

this is a beautiful pic... see close... for 5 min... starin at it..u will realize that the picture is so much close to ur life story! its awesome! u wont believe what you see...

watch now...

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10...

got the point??! did u hav a close look? understood?

;) the usual me....! trickin u...lik any another fwd!!! theres nothin which s gonna pop out! hehe...those fwds...such diabolic brats! anyway,...this pic shows good philosophy!

a cycle of life and death!

i had been to my home during the weekend, we had a long weekend due to strike! home sweet home...! i jus dint want to return bac, who wud want to??!! i hate tears! n i jus shed wen i was in train!...

alright...my grandad isnt doin well... its so poignant ...he is my inspiration in all tracks! he is a great soul... god should hav a better plan fo him..iam sure!

i wante dto write so much more abt my trip ... but aint writin any.. dunno y... wen puttin before everybody i feel the emotions reduce...so aint writin any! :)

so bac to office ... got up so late (anything new?) and came to office at 11....

and u knw thw worst part.. i hate auto fellows.. i really hate them.. i wa sina hurry go to bac home on 5 june, thr was a cab strike..so auto zindabad... and dat guy asked fo 200.. bargained fo 200... reasonable i shud say... then changed by direction half way direct to bus station cuz it was gettin late...now he asked 50 more, i accepted... but hold on... before i got into the auto, he wanted change to giv it to somebody else.. i have 100rs... and i completly forgot!!!!!! bad very bad me....

now while gettin down, i give him 250, thank him on top n walk away...!!!!

i hate me... on top i hate these fellows.. they r always thr to pull ur money!!!

well my companys says they wud reimburse me (sole reason i got an auto! ;), otherwise how cud i even afford dat 250) .... so dats the reason i ahte auto fellows, and everywhr i wud end fightin wid dem...my very best frn keeps sayin to me...do not fight with auto fellows...but who listens...he is my best frn n listne to him...except this...fo the sole reason they are out there just to cheat!

well... now... i hav little work to do... let me get back...

cioa...

My mind doesn't stay still,
Behold! i called to kill,
The wanderings of my mind,
Sensing dread of some kind,
Exhaustion hastening its way,
Yet falling lose and apart like hay,
Body convulses due to chillness,
Yet the heat inside burns every cell,
Alas, i see the extremities,
None affecting the air around,
I can see thy eyes drooling to ground,
Unable to cognize anything under sun,
Why such a devasting defeat???...
I just realized....
Iam in a lecture training....

i love my blog.... ... dont i???? when i knw... i share with you iam gonna b fine....

i do love my blog.. :)

well.... its jus so difficult at times to even breathe...! well, here breathe in the real sense i mean is to live... especially when u knw ppl arnd r not that loyal n nice...

the problem is etiqutte is lost... is the land of no where and in time of no second... what thou art doeth when thou knows that comes in on thou way is huge obstacle...only stopped by badness!

dont bother if u dint understand a word... bu as if u care!!!

help.... one word... u dont want to ask anybody...

and well,... this is not me... really... this is frustrated me... i never get so frustated... but today .... its different...!!! :( :( ....

well,,,, now iam okay... feeling a lot calm....

iam not sure....even my dreams betrayed me this morning..!! :( ....

wel....iam in a training now!! am i supposed tow rite now... the answer is an obvious no... hehe...and this is me... breaking the rule...!!! :)

well... one warning... when you ask for help... be careful whom you ask... because not everybody cares to do.

keep smilin...

life is pretty

i was wondering yesterday... y do the days look pretty? so pretty that the days dint go lik days but like the ones in the imaginary world... the days of somthing different.. when you hav good days... its a strange feelin... a feeling dat is undoubtedly filled with joyous memories...that so decoratively spreads a beautiful smile across the face...a face that has always longed such happiness... the strange feeling engulfs you... you r deep in those dreams of more of these days... different and beautiful thoughts...these train of thoughts remind us of the alice in wonderland and harry potter and all the nice cool children's story... strange right? how thoughts can influence us? how days can influence us? strange right..... how these sentences of adjectives lifts your day?? strange right, though meaningless are these sentences you still read it... and yet wanna read it...
wats up????? enough of this non sense..go bac to work....

i am writing this for 4th time...!!!
every time i wrote i erased it... and began with somthing else.... but again erased...

words cant describe the sadness...

i lik these words..they contain the most harsh expression they can contain most loving expression..yet they are not affected.
its worriness that we need to overcome....ahh.... easy task...!! and wordly emotions has no place in my body anymore....!!

what is this?

alright...this is it!
i am nice... i hav my own set limits....
i have no clue how to convey that to the other person???? its been a confusion to me for ages... ppl tend to think i can take any heights....but no...i cant...but how to convey it???

sometimes life is tough...!! u want to tell something...in the fear of hurting others you dont... u keep on and on and on adjusting.... but one fine day the balloon of adjustment bursts! and the time it bursts is worst...nobody should hear it...

i can forgive ppl....i know...and i have...
but why cant i be forgiven??? are my mistakes more hurting than their mistakes?? might be... but swear i didn't mean any...
but oh ....thou people...please understand i can taketh only this much and no more....

the anger....(my enemy)...never get it..good for you....get it very often...good fo u... but get it rarely..bad very bad fo u....

please understand me, oh! thou people!

weakness or strength?

Overcome the weakness….
Of love…???

Matters not, of which takes decision,
I have asked the mind…
It conflicts with the heart…
What finally wins matter…

Love is a weakness for many…
Is a strength for few…
What does bother you when its strength..
Go on… with love…
But bother if it’s a weakness…

I am standing on the thread of death…
My lord beckoning my soul
My souls have to be taken along…
Yet I can’t wait to reach His feet…

In a hurry, can anything be dropped?
Death swallows in its deepest hallows…
What can be dropped can be, but
Discriminating is arduous…
But discriminate no matter what...

I love you my soul…
I know I am still standing…
But can see you running…
Take me along…for life doesn’t come back again…
Not without you.

Weakness? Strength? Of love….???
What finally wins matters…
In love…
Can there be weakness at all?
:)

making the day...

when you wake up in the morning...the first thing/person you remember makes your day???
or is it after you reach the place , you have to reach every working day, the first person/thing you see makes your day???
or is it the first sign u get when you start ur daily routine dat makes your day???
or is it that, generally, evenings make your day???
or is it that the thought before you go to sleep that makes your day or the next???
ohhhhh.... there are umpteen things that can make a day!!! countless.... but somthing has to make a day...
most of us, see or remember our loved ones as the first sight or thought...dats the usual... but there are others who see or remind themseleves of their loved ones before they go to sleep... so the sun rise wud be brighter....
whatever it is for....why r everybody doin this???? why a better day than sterday???? why this search for infinity???
lets name it.....the search for happiness!!!!..... eternal bliss....
not the ephemaral ones... but these searches lead to only temporary joy... not the eternal!! but yet the mind takes the crude route! there is a song written by thyagaraja, it goes lik this ... "why, oh, mind, why do you take the short n crude route when there is king's way right in front of you."
this is exactly what i am doing now! eternal bliss is waitin...yet....
and the play is god's !!!
and one conclusion through this...this mind was able to make... "i need to learn somthing more through somebody else, and i am learning it.... thank you my friend, this is god, that iam meeting, thinkin, talkin.... in order to meet myself... in order to personify myself as happiness...i have met you"

valentines special

"I want to hold your hands and walk a mile

dont want to miss u, even for a while.

my life is so beautiful coz

dear, its you...my life!

hug me for my worries to die

my tears to dry and

my lonliness to fly.

it hurts me to know

how i sometimes can be selfish

when it comes to you.

i am getting sentimental over you!

for god sake explain me why all these

i miss you every moment of the day.

i keep me awake just to listen to you,

i keep me empty just for you to fill,

i keep me alive just to see you.

my mornings miss you

my evenings seeks you

where were you all these years

fear of future is worse than pain of past

still i bother the least, coz u are there

even seconds are too long to miss you

i want to hold your hands and walk a mile

dont want to miss you, even for a while...

come fill my life!

no fruit!

whats the use???? is one question i think i hate!!
it comes due to expection of a fruit for the efforts one puts!

"don't expect the fruit...just do, for its own sake" says krishna.

a gift frm god, but i aint seeing it

as u can see, iam not doing my posting job evry well... first excuse, i dont have the bhagavad gita book with me...i left it at my grandparents' house and dint go to bring it back...iam missin reading it for 2 weeks now.... hopefully...by today i will go to bring it back...!! :) lets see...

second excuse...job is making me so busy that iam not able to open this blog at all...but today...i made it a point to post somthing atleast to give an excuse for not posting...hehe...

so yeah... i have done few things in the past week....which absolutly dint satisfy me excepting one.

so, i had a couple dance programmes...small ones... one-- at an excutive meeting in our office...there were so many expatriates coming from the US and so we had a huge meeting at a 7 star hotel...and my team lead asked for a welcome dance... the piece came out so well that i was actually satisfied with my dance (which rarely happens!!) ..and i got a standing avation!! :) first time ever...! it was really a great experience!!

and then that very day i had the auditions for a dance competition at office... and the judges for that were supposed to javed and ravi behi from boogie woogie..so auditions were tough. i was in group and solo...

and our group did a joogal bhandhi of classical and western... dint get selected! :( can u beat that.... the best dancer in the western dance was in my group! and a very good dancer for classical...and then me and then another guy as well but unfortunately this guy dint turn up during the auditions...! that was our major drawback apart frm lack of cordination...all said...end result we weren't selected...a big stroke..!! but well i got selected fo solo...

i have no clue why i, in the first place got selected, bcuz, i really flopped the show during the competition...the one known for the too good songs flopped it... my song was bad for the audience...! it was tamil song (ofcuz the song fo which i became a big hit at my town) but not here...i should have guessed it. humiliation engulfed me...throwing furious glances at me and my dance...please not my dance i begged! but it striked many times...! after my dance i dint face anybody straight frm dressing room i ran home... how could i even face? even today (its been 2 days since the competition) i still face difficulty talkin abou it when ppl ask....wanna shout out loud... why my dance???? why???

gita paat -1

kurukshektra...the great battle field, which has seen the vishwa roopa darshnam of vishnu 3 times!!

dhridharastra raja was a blind person, he couldn't be present in the battle field, so he asks sanjay to narrate to him the course of the battle...sanjay narates the battle, when he also narrates bhagavad gita. hence gita is a dialogue between sri krishna and arjuna told by sanjay to dhridharashtra. this came as a surprise to me when i started gita, i was conceived gita to be a first hand dialogue when i read i realised it was a narration by sanjay.

so in the very first chapter, sanjay just discribes of how everybody is standing in the battle field, and where they are all placed. he mentiones everybody and also their relationshiops among them. i dont quite remember most of it, gimme a days time let me go through them and then come back to write...

well... so the ppl who are placed right in front of arjuna is the caue of his down fall....his own kith and kin!

here in the first chapter we will be refreshed with the relationshipd ppl share on the battle field and what is the situation evrybody is in. then by the end of the chapter the 'shunk' will be blown... to begin the fight... just then..arjuna stops...

just an another day...

this is one of the beautiful pics i have found on net... the moment you see it iam sure you will smile...! smile is contagious.
alright..well..today i woke up very very late...:(... well people who know me would just push it away exclaming as just another day, but ...well i came to office late... (k its just another day) but this day i had a call with a senior!!! oh...i had to lie to her that i had some personal urgency..!! boohoo...well...i came back and spoke to her ,....everything smooth and fine...but i lied....:( :(...... its terrible...that feeling... i have always been late for most of the things...but then i just smile to cover up...u knw...it does work....but now..can i smile??...she cant even see me!!! hehe... well... no point cribbing...i am sure i will come late yet another day as well...but then hopefully wont delay on calls... poor company...hehe ;)

colours

love an ever lasting love...this is one thing one cant give out of practice...once i used to believe that even love can come by getting used to it. n i did practice it... the artificial life engulfed this frame... so artificial that reality seemed senseless and mad...when artificiality softened the hand i thot it was the heart which was getting touched...the smile spread a mile...but cunt touch my ears...i thot it touched even my temple...wen salty water rolled down the cheeks i thot it was the soul which was dropping some of its contents... because sadness is one feeling which cant be acted... and now i realise...soul did pour out... but for a different reason...i was fallin...fallin far frm reality...fallin into artificiality...was just caught by reality then...it knocked off the ephemeral stage... turned to the bright light...redened my face...burnt my hands n feet...reality shook me off...drenched in my despair past... learnt new lessons... chose the true nature of nature...flowin it now... no more artificial colours would fill my painting...
let the maya play its role...and purush will play his role too...!

continuing ...gita paat..

Sri Krishna, begins gita when Arjuna surrendered himself in the feet of the lord. now we know how surrender-ism is such a powerful weapon to attain moksham. today i want to start with the general gist of the great conversation... i am planning to write every chapter in each post... hopefully i would be able to do it... prayers to the lord for this. so bhagavad geeta... askin man to follow the righteous path... the most difficult thing which i think is to be able to discriminate. Discriminating the good and the bad... defining them... as once posted before...where i said defining things is the most difficult thing to do... once you define a situation you will definitely master the situation...be able to see through the glass... be able to discriminate... when i speak of philosphy, the very common question thrown at my face is : "what is good and what is bad?" ... i have tried answering in many different ways to different people... but in vain..none is convinced... i am still searching for the true answer... well.... the best guide for this would be The Geeta... here the lord in the 17th chapter... tells us everything which is good and everything which is bad... He has not tried to define it...here, he has has mentioned which things are good ( sattvika guna) and which things are bad (tamasika guna). let me give simple examples now... sattvika guna..person having a lot traits of sattvika guna would generally be active, thinks a lot about almighty, stoic, dettached. the person having tamasika guna would have traits like laziness, inactive, enemity et al. the one guna in between these two is rajasika guna...which i feel is where most of us are..... because most of us have traits from both the sides... Krishna also says that a man has to develop from tamas to sattvikam. i am writing this on my way back to home... in the cab... he happens to see my typing and coincidently, he is also very spritiual. one can tell that by the very look on his face. he works on the same floor, one guy who has a hair knot like the pujaris at temple!
well...continue tomorrow with proper gist of the first chapter.

" karpanyo dhoshaha pahatha swabhava;
prichami thvam dhrama samuda chethaha;
yescheya stha nishchintha bruhi thanme shishyasthe shadhi mam thvam prapanam" --
Arjuna says, in the battle field at kurukshektra... surrending himself before the lord.
Arjuna was disconcerted when he faced his own kith n kin standing in front of him waging the war! he took a step back, when Sri krishna beheld him.
he then describes his fears in a very beautiful way, explaining each and every part of the body and how it acts in fear .... hands can't hold the bow, legs fail to stand, eyes fail to open, mouth trembles....and so on. i don't quite remember the exact quotes..lemme see and come back tomo to post it! its really a beautiful description of fear.
righteous is the step to be taken, and our emotions take a back seat. may wat may come in front of us...righteous path has to be choosen. are we doing this in our life??? question your mind often for the answer...! so..comin bac to kurukshektra, when arjuna was confused of what to do...to kill his own relatives and run away from the war...Krishna says...fight, fight for your Dharma! thats Bhagavat geeta!-- fight! Fight for dharma.
Arjuna then surrenders himself sayin the above verses... only then Sri Krishna starts the geeta paat.
will continue tomo...